26/12/2013

HOW TIME FLIES

"Don't get attached to anyone, you idiot"

How to tell pooh that I hate him so much? Despite having quite a cute-looking face, his behaviour is a bit unacceptable lately; stealing foods, making mess in the kitchen as well as vomiting in the hallway, balcony and so on. He even pooped inside my housemate's luggage *sigh. People changed, so did Pooh. Eh?

ahh kucing pemalas. hetchu -.-
"This place is not safe anymore
and humanity is fading away"

Blood, deaths and injuries - harm everywhere but life must go on and I don't really care anyway. The only thing that affects me the most is the fact that I sucked in the futsal tournament last two weeks. Managed just two shots on goal and I failed to threat the oppositions. Idek what was wrong with me but I felt so small.

Yet again, life must go on and I still have my very own source of happiness; a guitar ;)



This might turn out to be my last entry in 2013 since I'm gonna be away fr a while. Gotta prepare fr final. Take care!

23/12/2013

I LOEV YOU

I loev you very muhc

No matter how bad we are at spelling, it is always okay as long as others understand what we are trying to say. But words are just words, and they were never enough to describe how strong we feel inside.

to you who haven't appeared in my life;

I hope you don't mind about me being an overly attached person. You might receive my texts as late as 4 in the morning whenever I miss you or I might appear in your sight out of the blue just to see you and your bright little smile.

I hope you don't mind about me being jealous whenever you talk to other guys. I swear I will try not to annoy you with my jealousy but I am just afraid that they will get your attention more than I do and you will leave me in the end.

I hope you don't mind about me sending you texts like "Good morning, I love you :)" during the day and "Good night, I miss you :)" at the very end of the day on regular occasion.

I hope you don't mind about me writing about you; the way you cover your mouth when you laugh, the way you express the things that irritate you or the way your eyes light up every time you do the things you love

I hope you don't mind about me having different taste in music, how much my playlist sucks, how insecure I am with myself, how difficult I can be at times, how even little things can affect me and how overprotective I am.

I just hope that you don't mind

and maybe one day
you'll accidentally come across this post and reply;

"I dont mind, I don't mind at all"

and

I will cherissh yuo forrever (:

14/12/2013

ME IZ SAD

Out of the blue, I feel sad. I can't even understand myself but it aches, badly.
"May I vanish? At least until I feel better"
Yep, that kind of sad. Is it possible to go into a deep sleep for a while, away from reality?
I enjoy blogging because it helps at time like this. Without any doubt, it helps to relieve in a way that can't be explained. Mmhmmm wait let me try.
"Hi I am upset so I just wanna talk to you fr a while. I hope you don't mind"
"Yeah, sure. I don't :)"
This is what I was trying to say. It's like talking to someone who doesn't mind talking to you all day long just to make you feel better. But of course writing isn't as comforting as talking to someone who cares instead of just being curious.
And that's how I value blogging.
Btw, I realised that Pooh doesn't really hate me anymore. I know this sounds unreal, but he did wake me up from my sleep so I managed to finish my ilo in time. Thanks Pooh! I will try not to step on you again.

07/12/2013

A BAD DAY

Somehow, I feel dismayed.
#1. I accidentally stepped on Pooh and I just couldn't find the right way to say sorry to him (yep I'm using the word 'him' simply because Pooh is a male cat) and yes I couldn't speak cat's language. In return, Pooh gave me his "I will rip you apart" kind of stare and walked away. Pooh hates me.
#2. Jealousy over those who live in a study environment. The fact that I'm not genius makes me feel uneasy. Plus, final exam in about a month ++ so I need to study. help
#3. Some people around me bring so much negativity and it upsets me.
#4. I received few deep cuts on my fingers from cleaning the fridge two days ago and now I have to withstand the stingy pain every single time I wash my hands.
#5. Again, Pooh stared me down  while I was having my lunch so I had to share some with him. Tried my best to win his heart back. Yes I could do this!
I know this is lame but let's hope fr a better tomorrow :)

03/12/2013

A RANDOM THOUGHT

Hi. I just woke up to the sound of my laptop hitting the floor and now I couldn't go back to sleep because of hunger.

Btw I have no idea what triggered me to write. I think it has something to do with what I feel right now; something in between joy and sadness. p/s: I enjoy writing every time I get upset

;)

I am still in the state of recovering and now I feel like pushing myself away from everyone; too tired of seeing others leaving me all by myself so I guess it'd be less damaging if I'm the one who leave. Yessssss I'm good at pushing people away so nobody will ever notice.

Aiyok. It looks like a giant octopus with short tentacles
Basically that's just me fighting my personal monster and I don't think that's cool hmm I should have drawn a gun instead . Whatever it is, I know how irritating I can be at times but I still have this wishful thinking that some people will never leave me astray, not even once, not even close and not even in their slightest thought.

23/09/2013

ANOTHER BIRTHDAY POST

Hi
I just ate my second Zinger Burger but I'm still hungry so here I am, sipping my full cream milk while writing at 4 in the morning. Basically this is just me trying to enjoy my last few hours here in Malaysia because sleeping would definitely be a waste of time.
It's been almost a week since my birthday and I know this post is a really late one but nvm. Dear God, despite having so much in possession right now, I still hope that you will consider to fulfill some of my wishes. To be honest here, my mental resilience is too weak and I guess it'd be nice if someday, maybe You will grant me that so much needed mental resilience; because hurt is inevitable ;)
That's it. Till we meet again, byebye.

01/09/2013

RAMBUTILAWAJANGANJEALOUSBYE

Hi
I realised that there are about more than 10 posts that I haven't published yet and what can I conclude here is that I couldn't find freedom in writing anymore. Basically it's all about people being judgemental towards others and I know I'm far from being excluded so I have to be a lil bit careful here.

Uh btw I just finished cutting my hair and I think it looks really good on me he he he. Well y'know, some guys care about their haircut as much as you girls care about yours. And fr me, going to hair saloon fr a haircut is a bit freaky since I know it's not possible fr me to hit the rewind button and redo the process all over again.

I hate getting bad haircut to the point where it feels like there are poops on my head or something so I will lock myself up in my room fr a day or two every time it happens.
p/s: I envy those with messy and wavy hair okbye

30/06/2013

LINES

com·fort (ˈkəmfərt)

#1. a state of being relaxed and feeling no pain
#2. a feeling of freedom from worry or disappointment
#3. satisfaction or physical well-being provided by a person or thing

I saw a tweet about line and its relation with our lives on Twitter and it keeps bothering me. Up until now, I still can't believe how accurate it is.

Let's say that each one of you represents a straight line being drawn beautifully on a very large piece of paper. And again, let's assume that the person you want to be with is another straight line, but parallel to you. That must be pretty sad, right? We are all aware that parallel lines will never intersect with each other at any point whatsoever. So, no matter how much you want to be with that person, both of you just can't.
And if you think that's sad enough, think twice. What about other straight lines? Unlike parallel lines, these lines do intersect at a certain point but eventually, they will be separated away from each other and that's pretty sad, too.
Out of these two kinds of line, I prefer the first one. I really hope that you and I are two parallel lines being drawn really close to each other. We might not be able to meet at any point, but at least we can be close enough till the very end. And forever is fine with me. Yeah it's fine, really. It's just the matter of time till you appear in my life or maybe there is a slight chance that you've been here all along.
And what I like the most about this kind of line is that parallel lines can never exist without each other.
Um btw, it's raining over here and I really enjoy blogging in this kind of weather. The smell of the rain as well as the cold air around here are just cozy and comforting :)

26/06/2013

UNTITLED POST

"L e t B y g o n e s B e B y g o n e s"

Hi I wanna make a confession over here but I just couldn't find the right words to start with. So, I think lets make this straight and simple.

The truth is

I've been longing to make a fresh start and I think this is the right time fr me to do so. It's just that, I really am in an awful state right now. I've reverted some old posts back into drafts in order not to create further misunderstanding and I know that I just did the right thing. So yea this is it. This is the new me heh no it's just me and my new determination, that's all.

Like I told ya, I wanted to make this post as simple as possible so I think I'm done here.

Wait! I feel like an emo blogger weh haha this isn't right haha hahahaha this is so not like me haih whatever byee I need my bed!

18/06/2013

AI FIL LAIK KRAYING

"Life isn't easy anymore"

"Then find something to pull you through"

"Like what? Everything's tearing me apart"

"But there must be something"

"No, there isn't any. I am transparent to everything. I am transparent to everyone"

Sorry. So let's begin.

#Describe the thing you're afraid of the most?
You-know-who. Eight-legged creature with approximately eight eyes. *JAW DROPS*

#Reasons?
Well, here's a simple explanation why I'm afraid of them. Imagine this; You're lying on your bed and suddenly there is a huge spider crawling inside your shirt :| Sorry I just can't..

#Your happiest moment with the thing?
Are you kidding me?

#Your scariest moment with the thing?
It was last year when I found this one giant dead spider in the doorway of my house. It died just right there, and I simply had no idea about it.
"Bro, I know you're afraid of me so uhm I'm just gonna die here and make your life a living hell".
Pfft. So basically I had to make huge leap every single time I went in and out of my house and it was so frightening 

#When did you last see the thing?
Few days ago in the movie After Earth at the cinema. It was scary but lucky me, the person I went out with made joke about it so yea basically the fear turned into laughter and I was ok.

#Is there anyone who shares the same fear?
Yeah, it's Ron from the movie Harry Potter.

#Any hope ?
Just like anybody else, I hope spiders will never go through further evolutions and grow wings. Or else it's gonna be the end for me :|

30/05/2013

FREAKED OUT

Two nightmares in the space of one week is so tiring you know? The first one was all about spiders and the latest one was about this one psycho freak in a hospital.

I was walking alone down the hallway when I noticed this guy who acted suspiciously so I decided to keep my watchful eyes on him for a while and guess what; I noticed him sneaking and killing helpless patients in each ward one by one without being caught red-handed. So yeah basically I began to panic and wrote something down on my palm(I couldn't recall what I wrote) but I think it was to alert those people in the hospital about that psycho freak.

Things started to get worse when he stared me down from afar. I tried to escape downstairs but that guy caught and dragged me inside this one room and injected me with sedative. Helpless and weak, I ran outside and shouted for help. Two doctors were shot dead as they were trying to help. And then, that freaking guy came from behind and grinded my head with some kind of surgery tool so yeah in the end, I DIED.

I know overthinking is not ok, but I have this bad thought that the nightmare might be some kind of vision that I'm getting near to death. Idk why but that's exactly what I feel. If it's true, then I should start seeking for forgiveness in a form of scheduled blog post I guess. Yeah, a scheduled blog post sounds fine :)

26/05/2013

TO-DO LIST

"find whatever you love to do and do it- life's all about heart"
*taken from twitter*wink*

It's a bit unfamiliar for me to compile the things I'd like to do during my summer break into one long list. But then, I've been away from home for way too long so yea maybe I need to list down few of them here.
#1. Hug mom and dad, the most lovely parents in the entire world. I really miss their hugs.
#2. Get my beauty sleep
#3. Meet up few familiar faces that I've been missing for so long
#4. Eat as much as I can and regain weight weh. I've lost so much kilos lately and it's really upsetting. I mean, is there something wrong with me? :(
#5. Watch TV
#6. Buy a new laptop.
#7. Visit my ex-classmates while hoping that they still remember me
#8. Buy some nice new clothes and maybe a pair of new shoes.
#9. Drive around the city
#10. Eat my mom's cooking and ask her to cook my fav dishes.
#11. Learn cooking from mom.
#12. Watch movies at the cinema
#13. Futsal with friends ofc
#14. Sleep for one whole day! Ok no.

And the list goes on and on. There are so much things to be done act but nvm. It's not like I'm gonna list them all here. Whatever it is, I hope that I won't be spending most of my time napping like I used to*sigh*

22/05/2013

SADNESS

sad·ness /sædnɪs/
noun
1. emotions experienced when not in a state of well-being
2. the state of being sad
3. the quality of excessive mournfulness and uncheerfulness

Hi sadness, thanks fr your visit over here. But I really hope you'll leave me all by myself as soon as possible. It's not like I hate your presence or what. It's just that I am already at my worst emotional state. So yeah since you are a part of everyone's personality, keep hanging dearly over me then but please, don't get into my mind just yet.
That's it. I know how bad things are right now. I know everything's not going well fr me right now. I know I'm gonna give up, not now, but soon. Cause I know that clinging onto the impossible will only break me down. And those who have someone by their side through thick and thin must be so so so so so so so lucky. It must be nice to be cared about, right?
"Everything's gonna be fine. You don't have to worry"
or
"It's okay, I'm here with you. Don't be scared"
This is too good to be true. You guys are lucky. I wanna cryyyy.

21/05/2013

BREAKDOWN

Hi. Just so you know, I'm having such a hard time over here. Gonna collapse due to mental breakdown sooner or later I guess, since my happy-sad ratio is now around 1:infinity hehe k over but seriously, that explains how awfully sad I am right now :'(
First thing first, it's about the OSCE exam. You know how suck it is when you're gonna lose about more than half of the total marks given? Well, I did so bad in the exam you know? The diagrams provided during the exam were full in colors but my printed notes are all black and white hahahahahaha so basically I didn't manage to identify the diagrams given. I think I was the only one who studied OSCE without using laptop since mine is not functioning anymore. Haih. I'm so gonna ask my dad to buy a new laptop fr me later on hmmmm.
And then there's another big thing but I think I'm just gonna keep it to myself fr the time being. Or maybe I'll tell someone about it someday hehe okay nobody seems to care so it's a no. I'll bury it deep inside me.
And somehow, I feel like running away from everything that's bothering me right now but I know I'm gonna end up at the same place anyway so nvm.