Um saje nak cakap, the guy who tackled me in the futsal tournament last month took my happiness away from me since running requires twisting and stretching of the ankle joint andddddddddddd it hurts every single time :C so basically I couldn't find joy in doing the thing I enjoy doing the most for the time being and it proves to be costly since it's my biggest source of happiness. It frustrates me instead. I never thought that physical pain relates so much with emotional pain. Unhappy Imtinan is both physically and emotionally wounded.
But that's just one small thing. I'm still suffering from my inability to move forward; I've been running in circle all these while. I have to admit that changing is nowhere near as easy as it sounds and I also have to admit that I dislike the person I am now.
"you shall not pass" said my inner demon, quietly
Yep it's not gonna be easy. Life is more than just about growing up, finding a girl, getting married and growing old together just like in the fairytales. Growing up alone is not enough. I gotta discover my own personality, chase away my inner demons and fix myself, just enough fr someone to stick around through thick and thin. Someone who'll eventually lose her beauty someday but I won't let go. It's inner beauty that matters the most anyway since others are just temporary. But I bet I'm gonna have a very hard time finding my soulmate since I've never been in relationship before (lack of experience lol wtv) and I'm trying my best not to be an introvert anymore (I enjoy thinking, exploring my thoughts and feelings and I often avoid social situations because being around people drains my energy; like putting my earphones on just to avoid any conversation). I am quite a shy person too ha ha ha I cri evri tiem.
I have to admit, the idea of being in love sounds so mesmerizing even though it is a lil bit out of reach. Because I used to like this one person long time ago and at one point our feelings were actually mutual but we didn't end up together. Well past is past anyway and the feeling has totally faded away, Alhamdulillah. Maybe there's more than meets the eye. But then, what I'm trying to say here is having someone who actually cares about us is a very wonderful thing. It gives us reason, I mean lots of reasons to be happy and cheerish every single moment.
Mmhmmm I bet the first person I'm going to end up with in the future is going to be my last one as well no?