I WISH IT WASN'T REAL

It's typical Tuesday, I guess. Except that I haven't slept since yesterday. Am I being abnormal? I wish I could just fall asleep right after I lay myself in my bed, which I know won't be happening that way. I know clearly what's going to happen if I try to sleep. Random thoughts will suddenly pop up out of nowhere, keeping me busy enough from falling asleep. This overthinking stuff is really tiring T.T

Anyway, I was involved in a road accident few days ago with this one fellow motorcyclist. It was kinda bad, but you should know that I'm just perfectly fine since I am now sitting here in my room, blogging early in the morning.

I suddenly realized few things after the accident, which are;

i) I am selfish

ii) I can't think clearly whenever I'm nervous

iii) I'm easy to be cheated

Clearly, I was feeling kinda low to actually realize that I can be selfish, sometimes. Should I actually tell this? As soon after the crash, the first thing that came across my mind was "how's my car's condition? is it bad?" instead of "How is that guy's condition? is he okay?". That was a total crap, you know. What on earth was going on with me? I don't know why, maybe I was just too nervous and afraid that my dad will find out and throw tantrums even though it was clearly not my fault. It was totally that guy's fault. So that's when I decided to keep my mouth shut. Luckily he was fine, so we settled down quietly and nicely even though that guy cheated me by asking few extra bucks for the compensation. Yet, I still let him off that time since my feelings were all mixed up, thinking how cruel I can be, putting myself first while having less concern about others who are in pain :|

So everything's written up there. I must get rid of them as soon as I can. This is not as easy as handling bad habits, but I'll still try. I have to.

I'm done here. I need my sleep.